night owl

Oct 18, 2014

How do you get your baby to bed at a decent hour?

We’ve tried changing his nighttime routine, but he still wants to stay up until 11pm or LATER! When does the 7pm to 7am sleep cycle come into play?

I’m worn out.

In my arms.

Oct 7, 2014

After some fresh new stitches I’m finally getting wheeled down the hall to be reunited with my baby boy. I couldn’t wait to hold him. This being, who had been growing inside of me for nine months, and I get to exchange hugs…for the first time! As I’m getting wheeled around the corner I hear this baby crying…I ask the nurse who is pushing me, “is that mine?”…she said, “it sure is” and we turn the corner. I see Rick with tears still in his eyes and see this little baby boy getting all cleaned up by a nurse. I was dying to get my hands on him! I asked if he was healthy and had all fingers and toes…they responded with a yes. And as I was reaching my arms out to hold him, the nurse was handing him over. I couldn’t believe it. It is the craziest feeling. To stare, hold, love on a baby that is yours, that you helped create. I held him for a few minutes, when all of a sudden he went for the boob! He immediately latched and was ready to eat. I couldn’t believe it. He just went for it, haha! And it hasn’t stopped since…boy is hungray!

Up next: when we finally gave him a name. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And we finally meet.

Sep 22, 2014

Being wheeled into surgery was pretty darn scary. I didn’t plan for this…I had to throw that thought out the window. And then the thought of ‘what if I die?’ came through my head. Pretty deep, huh? Blame it on the hormones, the meds, the lack of sleep, what have you, but it did sneak into my brain. What if I bleed to death? My organs are about to come out of my body…this is some CRAZY sh$t. The ONLY thing that gave me strength was the excitement that I was about to meet my baby boy.

As I enter the operating room, I am welcomed by a team of new people who I’ve yet to have met before. They’re all dressed from head to to in their scrubs. I can just see their smiling eyes as they greet me. Rick was getting changed, so I felt a little alone, yet excited, yet nervous. It was insane. My body was having a reaction from labor, called the shakes. I could not stop shaking! They kept putting warm blankets on me to get to me warm up. Then I heard the doctor say, ‘can you give her something to stop the shaking? She is about to shake off the table.’ And my thought was ‘YES, please do give me something, because that scar line better be straight!’ Vain of me, of course. They gave me some more meds, morphine to be exact to help with the shakes. I could feel the doctor begin surgery and Rick was still not in the room. How could they start without him? I didn’t want him to miss the birth of our baby boy. I felt a ton of tugging and pressure and then Rick walks in, whew, just in time. Only a sheet between us and the big reveal. I tried not to look at the sheet, because I could see shadows and at one point I saw them pull something out of me and if it was my own stomach I would probably have a heart attack. I felt a little more tugging and heard the doctor say, ‘here he is…’. I heard the sound of a crying baby and my heart burned. It was a burning love like no other. Music to my ears, the most beautiful sound of my life. It is the craziest experience I have ever been through. I felt Rick’s head hit my shoulders as he’s bursting into tears. We are both crying uncontrollably at this point. The nurse takes the baby from the doctor and as she tries to whisk him away, we lock eyes. That moment is embedded in my brain.

Rick is now using my warm blankets to wipe his eyes and blow his nose, trying to get it together. He kisses me, then runs after the baby. There I am laying on this operating table, yet again alone. Really alone this time. The baby I’ve carried for nine months is out of me, Rick is not here and I am left crying (with joy) all alone. On a side note, I asked the doctor to go ahead and give me a tummy tuck while he was down there. Hm, it didn’t happen.

Next up…we finally meet…for real.

Sleepless Mama

Sep 2, 2014

Has it really been six weeks? Almost seven, to be exact. I’ve had my head under water for weeks and have not had the time the update the blog. Imagine that! Whew, motherhood. It is beautiful, exhausting, liberating, tireless, exciting and heart warming.

But before we dive into the good stuff about sleepless nights, breast feeding and baby acne…let’s talk LABOR!

I was a week late. Or shall I say, a week overdue. This baby boy was fully cooked! The waiting period was excruciating. However, many first time moms never have their babes on or before their due date. So I kept telling myself that. It was a Thursday night and I was not in the mood to cook. My husband Rick was working late hours before the arrival of our bambino, so he wasn’t burning down the kitchen either. I had mention going to this restaurant we used to go to ALL the time, but had not gone to in probably a year. At this point I was getting suggestions on how to get the labor process moving. I remember someone mentioning to eat eggplant parmesan. As we pull up to the restaurant, guess what was on special for the night? Yep, eggplant parm! Was this a siiiign? I was cramping some before we left, but didn’t want to get excited, since I made an embarrassing phone call to the doctor the week before thinking I was in labor. So I told Rick we were NOT going to call the doctor unless I was holding on to something in excruciating pain. I’m a nut, huh? Or some might say hard headed.

The eggplant parmesan lands in front of me and my cramps are getting worse and worse and happening about every five minutes. I scarf down that nights special and the pain was getting worse. We get home and I am walking around the house having contractions every few minutes. I decide to try and lay down, but the pain was growing. At this point I was holding on to our kitchen counter tops, in pain. I KNEW it was labor. We called the doctor who told us to come on to the hospital. Rick and I were giggling, but also in shock. IT WAS HAPPENING…FINALLY! This was our last car ride as ‘just the two of us’.

We checked into the hospital at 1:30am. I am thinking they’re going to go ahead and get me to a room, when the nurse says I am only 2cm and 80% effaced. She tells me to ‘take a walk’. I am thinking…’you’ve got to be kidding me? I HAVE to be more than 2cm dilated!’. So Rick and I walk the halls, as I grab him every two to three minutes while trying to breathe through the contractions. Within 45 minutes I had dilated from 4cm/ 100% effaced. The nurse says, ‘whoa you’re moving fast…we need to get you to a room!’. As we move to a room my water breaks, which at this point my labor is moving like a freight train that I am begging for an epidural. I was going to try and go natural, but the pain was so severe. Amen to women who can handle it! At this point they have to take your blood before they can give you an epidural. The nurse could not find my vein. It took three different nurses, when one finally got a hold of a vein. I guess working out during pregnancy wasn’t in my favor at that point. They told me since I worked out so much my veins were ropy. On top of that the computer keeps freezing up, so they have to wheel in another computer. I feel like I am in a movie. I swear I could feel his head coming down and I am thinking they aren’t going to be able to give me an epidural in time!! They finally got all the paperwork done, but one more thing, the anesthesiologist is with a patient. I am STILL waiting for some relief! I am almost 8cm dilated, past the point of getting the meds, when I INSISTED I have an epidural! Rick said he’s never seen me talk like that to someone…hell, I am IN LABOR! ;) Needless to say, I finally got the epidural. Whew, it was like a whole new world. It slowed things down tremendously, but it was much needed, in my case.

A few hours passed. I believe 3 hours? I really wasn’t aware of time at this point. All I knew is that our family was coming in one by one saying hello, which was comforting. The doctor came in to say hello and decided to check to see how progress was going. And hello, I am 10cm! Time to push! Even with the epidural (I didn’t get the full dosage) so I could still feel a lot of pressure and was ready to do this. However, every time I pushed the baby’s heart rate kept dropping to 50. Which is not safe. It would then go back up to 150 when I stopped. His head was crowning and I knew I could get this little guy out in less than 10 minutes, but his heart rate continuously kept dropping. All of a sudden the nurses threw me on my side and got his heart rate back up. The doctor said we had to do a c-section. Not the news I wanted to hear. As tears rolled down the side of my face, I knew I had to do what I had to do. Anything do give birth to a healthy baby.

More on the c-section ( which I know sounds so glamorous) in the next blog. Mr. Kash is crying…off I go to motherhood! :-)