Work it.

Dec 11, 2014

imageAhhh it felt so nice to get back to work! It was definitely hard leaving my little man for so long, but it was needed. Getting away and having adult conversation without spit up on my shirt was refreshing.

It was tough to get out the door though. Deep down you feel like no one else can take care of your child the way you do. However, I realized it was beneficial for the both of us. It is good to introduce new people into their life. I think it helps them socially.

Plus when I returned I valued the time with my son more.

I have to tell you…I missed putting on makeup and feeling human again!

night owl

Oct 18, 2014

How do you get your baby to bed at a decent hour?

We’ve tried changing his nighttime routine, but he still wants to stay up until 11pm or LATER! When does the 7pm to 7am sleep cycle come into play?

I’m worn out.

In my arms.

Oct 7, 2014

After some fresh new stitches I’m finally getting wheeled down the hall to be reunited with my baby boy. I couldn’t wait to hold him. This being, who had been growing inside of me for nine months, and I get to exchange hugs…for the first time! As I’m getting wheeled around the corner I hear this baby crying…I ask the nurse who is pushing me, “is that mine?”…she said, “it sure is” and we turn the corner. I see Rick with tears still in his eyes and see this little baby boy getting all cleaned up by a nurse. I was dying to get my hands on him! I asked if he was healthy and had all fingers and toes…they responded with a yes. And as I was reaching my arms out to hold him, the nurse was handing him over. I couldn’t believe it. It is the craziest feeling. To stare, hold, love on a baby that is yours, that you helped create. I held him for a few minutes, when all of a sudden he went for the boob! He immediately latched and was ready to eat. I couldn’t believe it. He just went for it, haha! And it hasn’t stopped since…boy is hungray!

Up next: when we finally gave him a name. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And we finally meet.

Sep 22, 2014

Being wheeled into surgery was pretty darn scary. I didn’t plan for this…I had to throw that thought out the window. And then the thought of ‘what if I die?’ came through my head. Pretty deep, huh? Blame it on the hormones, the meds, the lack of sleep, what have you, but it did sneak into my brain. What if I bleed to death? My organs are about to come out of my body…this is some CRAZY sh$t. The ONLY thing that gave me strength was the excitement that I was about to meet my baby boy.

As I enter the operating room, I am welcomed by a team of new people who I’ve yet to have met before. They’re all dressed from head to to in their scrubs. I can just see their smiling eyes as they greet me. Rick was getting changed, so I felt a little alone, yet excited, yet nervous. It was insane. My body was having a reaction from labor, called the shakes. I could not stop shaking! They kept putting warm blankets on me to get to me warm up. Then I heard the doctor say, ‘can you give her something to stop the shaking? She is about to shake off the table.’ And my thought was ‘YES, please do give me something, because that scar line better be straight!’ Vain of me, of course. They gave me some more meds, morphine to be exact to help with the shakes. I could feel the doctor begin surgery and Rick was still not in the room. How could they start without him? I didn’t want him to miss the birth of our baby boy. I felt a ton of tugging and pressure and then Rick walks in, whew, just in time. Only a sheet between us and the big reveal. I tried not to look at the sheet, because I could see shadows and at one point I saw them pull something out of me and if it was my own stomach I would probably have a heart attack. I felt a little more tugging and heard the doctor say, ‘here he is…’. I heard the sound of a crying baby and my heart burned. It was a burning love like no other. Music to my ears, the most beautiful sound of my life. It is the craziest experience I have ever been through. I felt Rick’s head hit my shoulders as he’s bursting into tears. We are both crying uncontrollably at this point. The nurse takes the baby from the doctor and as she tries to whisk him away, we lock eyes. That moment is embedded in my brain.

Rick is now using my warm blankets to wipe his eyes and blow his nose, trying to get it together. He kisses me, then runs after the baby. There I am laying on this operating table, yet again alone. Really alone this time. The baby I’ve carried for nine months is out of me, Rick is not here and I am left crying (with joy) all alone. On a side note, I asked the doctor to go ahead and give me a tummy tuck while he was down there. Hm, it didn’t happen.

Next up…we finally meet…for real.