Sep 22, 2014
Being wheeled into surgery was pretty darn scary. I didn’t plan for this…I had to throw that thought out the window. And then the thought of ‘what if I die?’ came through my head. Pretty deep, huh? Blame it on the hormones, the meds, the lack of sleep, what have you, but it did sneak into my brain. What if I bleed to death? My organs are about to come out of my body…this is some CRAZY sh$t. The ONLY thing that gave me strength was the excitement that I was about to meet my baby boy.
As I enter the operating room, I am welcomed by a team of new people who I’ve yet to have met before. They’re all dressed from head to to in their scrubs. I can just see their smiling eyes as they greet me. Rick was getting changed, so I felt a little alone, yet excited, yet nervous. It was insane. My body was having a reaction from labor, called the shakes. I could not stop shaking! They kept putting warm blankets on me to get to me warm up. Then I heard the doctor say, ‘can you give her something to stop the shaking? She is about to shake off the table.’ And my thought was ‘YES, please do give me something, because that scar line better be straight!’ Vain of me, of course. They gave me some more meds, morphine to be exact to help with the shakes. I could feel the doctor begin surgery and Rick was still not in the room. How could they start without him? I didn’t want him to miss the birth of our baby boy. I felt a ton of tugging and pressure and then Rick walks in, whew, just in time. Only a sheet between us and the big reveal. I tried not to look at the sheet, because I could see shadows and at one point I saw them pull something out of me and if it was my own stomach I would probably have a heart attack. I felt a little more tugging and heard the doctor say, ‘here he is…’. I heard the sound of a crying baby and my heart burned. It was a burning love like no other. Music to my ears, the most beautiful sound of my life. It is the craziest experience I have ever been through. I felt Rick’s head hit my shoulders as he’s bursting into tears. We are both crying uncontrollably at this point. The nurse takes the baby from the doctor and as she tries to whisk him away, we lock eyes. That moment is embedded in my brain.
Rick is now using my warm blankets to wipe his eyes and blow his nose, trying to get it together. He kisses me, then runs after the baby. There I am laying on this operating table, yet again alone. Really alone this time. The baby I’ve carried for nine months is out of me, Rick is not here and I am left crying (with joy) all alone. On a side note, I asked the doctor to go ahead and give me a tummy tuck while he was down there. Hm, it didn’t happen.
Next up…we finally meet…for real.